Retired

Highlights of the sometimes wonderful, sometimes uneventful year 2006…

being married...never taking him for granted

was horribly relieved having our own place….FINALLY

 
had a surprise party for Rina in our little apartment J

 
met and starting nannying for the Kisslinger family

 
bought our first car together J

 
bought our first house together as well

 
became really close to many people in my life

 
learned more about myself then I maybe ever cared to learn

 
let go of some people

 
my only link to my grandma whom I had never met, her sister, died

 
had a big surprise party for Steve

 
he had a surprise party for me…like a week apart lol

 
learned more about many people then I ever cared to learn

 
realized my life is about others, I’m here to serve

 
My first nephew was born

 
Left the kisslingers and started work at S&T bank

 
Left the bank and went back to being a nanny YAY!

 Yes….as I said, VERY uneventful, but I am at a good place right now. Thank you Lord for another year of life and health with my amazing husband.

Yuck. that pretty much sums it up. SURREE I'll be over it soon enough...hopefully reallly soon. but i still feel the worst I’ve felt in a looong time and no I am not talking about the flu that is slowly annihilating the immunity armies in my body. I feel bad. The purpose of writing this you ask? Yes, I know some of you will specifically wonder why I am wasting time on complaining…well, because this is mine, and I can. AND because if I don’t have some sort of outlet I will stay up all night and being sick and having to work tomorrow….umm..already does not sound good. And incase you are wondering, to add to how I feel already I am feeling increasingly worse knowing that there are millions of people who have it way worse then me. So I’m sorry I want to complain, but I’m hurt. Why do I get hurt so freaking easily? Why do I expect so much from those closest to me? Why am I ok when Steve is awake, like he is my hiding place or something, but when he falls asleep before me, I’m left to think of subtle ways I can wake up him, just cause I miss him…

Do you ever feel like the worst person, ever? Do you ever feel like you know you have done everything wrong but you still can’t help yourself from being mad the whole world, INCLUDING yourself? What do you do when you want to get away from everyone, yourself being number one on the list? Except for him…I want to be with him even when I want to be alone.

Where is Jesus in all of this you ask? Well…He is tucked away neatly in a corner of my heart and shoved somewhere in the back of my brain…but gosh, He knows I adore Him. Ya know…when I feel like this I tend to ignore God. why? Well because God is a mirror. When you face Him you have to face yourself. I hate that part. (Haha… “feel”  I just told someone tonight who I love a lot that our walks with God are not about feelings, they are about commitment. BOY, is this ever true. So to that person, I’m sorry I’ve been using the word ‘feel’ a lot when I kinda made you think you should remove it from your dictionary.) And I don’t apologize for writing this. I’m not too proud to let you see me. If King David had been to proud to let the whole world know he knocked up some lady and then killed her husband, well…his writings would not have been nearly as soul-bearing nor as inspiring, in my opinion at least.. Paul says our lives should be open books…so here is mine right now. It’s open for you to read, but don’t be surprised when it changes. It does that a lot. I haven’t yet mastered the consistency thing. Whoever you are, I love you.